but in the end, I missed what it meant

(and smoke away the night) (prelude: I'm sorry to link to MySpace but I could find the song Ariel Ramirez nowhere online...)
I've hunkered down in my living room for the night, armed with tea and bundles of fleece blankets to ward off the cold that has somehow seeped into this New York City spring full of guitar players in Central Park and rolling in fallen cherry blossom petals and waiting with bated breath for summer. Because then! Then best friends from all over the world will be here and we will sit in corners of bars and they will tell me about hikes in Spain and grad school in Argentina and farming in Colorado and all will be right again. Tonight, after another deadline had passed, I watched the moon's reflection in a puddle and wanted so much to tell someone everything because I could see no stars. This light, tonight, this bright moon in a sky with no stars, it is stripping away all that is safe for me. Promises have become the seed head of a dandelion.