changing of the seasons

There's been an Indian summer these days, the nights warm with clear skies, everyone outside drinking pumpkin beer before the leaves make their final exit. People wore t-shirts today, lots of them, and there was a man singing opera at Grand Central. Tonight, I'm sipping pomegranate tea and watching Northern Exposure and reading Joseph Mitchell's "The Old Hotel." Everything is beautifully small, and I find myself sad and appreciative of the sadness.
It's strange, when someone dies, and I find myself face to face with that ultimate finality of everything. These constant beginnings and endings, I've thought about them my whole life and they make me want to dance with one hand waving free, waving goodbye to a summer that should have already gone.
"Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless."
-The Sheltering Sky
For those who read this blog, I miss you all and I promise to become better at keeping in touch. (Especially Elaine - I'm going to be writing you a very, very long e-mail soon. I promise!)
love,
Anna